All I Want Is You
by CupcakeDiva
Summary: Jules goes on a date and Emma is not too happy about it. A confrontation leads to something unexpected and heartbreaking. A one-shot for all you Blackstairs shippers like me out there!


**Hey everyone! Been a while since I've written a oneshot, or any sort of fanfiction, really. But this one just had to be written. Ever since I read CoHF I've developed an unhealthy love for Emma and Julian together, and since I haven't found many fics, I decided to write one myself! I hope you like, its quite long.**

**All the characters are from the upcoming Dark Artifices trilogy by Cassandra Clare, except Natasha. I made her up purely for the purpose of this one-shot. Can't wait for Lady Midnight!**

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Emma Carstairs was bored. She had been bored for quite a while now. She had thrown around some knives and trained for a good hour, but she had found herself bored of doing even that, and that was her passion.

She was lying on her back staring up at the ceiling of the training room. It was one of the few times she was alone up there, usually her best friend Jules, was there with her. If not Jules, it was either Cristina or even Jaime, but they had gone out visiting a relative who had apparently been dying to see them. The twins had taken Dru and Tavvy down to the beach, so it was just her. Her and Arthur Blackthorn, who had made everyone call him Uncle Arthur, even though he wasn't really Emma's uncle. He was in the library, where he usually was.

But Jules. Who ordinarily never went anywhere without Emma. He had gone off on a date.

Yes. A _date._

Emma had not taken the news quite so well. Her mind wandered back to the previous week.

Her and Jules had been at the beach, which was not uncommon to them. They had been investigating supposed demon activity, but instead they had just found a very bewildered looking girl, with long reddish-brown hair till her waist and wide blue eyes. With a start Emma had realized that she was a Shadowhunter just like they were, black runes circling her wrists.

"I'm Natasha," she had said. "I actually recently just Ascended."

Emma had been friendly enough. She knew that the Clave were encouraging many new Ascensions, so she wasn't particularly surprised.

They had spent the evening with her, and Emma hadn't even realized anything. Which was why she was utterly taken aback when this very morning, Natasha had called Jules and asked him out.

On an actual date, when she had met him for the first time only last week.

Jules had come rushing to Emma, looking flustered, asking her whether he should say yes. And what kind of _parabatai_ would she be if she told him not to, to refuse and say he was busy? So she had told him to go, even though her insides had tightened up.

And now here she was, 6 hours later, staring at a wall and feeling like crap.

Her feelings for Julian had crept up on her. She'd never thought, in her wildest dreams, that it would happen. Emma Carstairs, tough as a cookie, falling in love? It wasn't supposed to happen. Especially not Jules, who was her best friend and _parabatai_, the one person in the world she was absolutely forbidden from loving in a romantic way.

They had been sitting together on a rock staring at the sea, and she had found herself staring at him. The way he blinked his long lashes, the way his mussed hair fell over his eyes, the curve of his neck, his smile, his laugh.

And it had hit her. She was in love with him.

That had been over a year ago, and since then she'd tried to push the feelings away. There was nothing she could do about, she kept reminding herself. He is your _parabatai._ And it's not like he liked her in that way anyway, which was pretty obvious from the way he had happily flounced off for his date with Natasha.

Emma heard footsteps outside the training room. She sat up, dusting her pants off. Maybe it was Jules, she thought hopefully. Maybe Natasha had been absolutely boring and Jules had come back knowing it had been a bad idea to go.

She heard a girl's laugh, and then a deeper boy's laugh. She would recognize that laugh anywhere. It was Jules.

Emma felt her heart contract as the door of the training room flew open, and Jules strode in, still laughing, Natasha right behind him. With a lurch she realized Jules was holding her hand.

As soon as he saw her, Jules stopped in his tracks. His expression changed to one of embarrassment. "Emma! Hey! Um, I didn't think you would be here," he said, glancing at Natasha, who didn't seem bothered at all.

"Hi Emma! You're his _parabatai,_ aren't you? The whole _parabatai _concept is so freaking cool! I wish I had one, but since I just Ascended I don't think I'm going to find one that easily," rattled Natasha.

"I wanted to show her the Institute," said Jules. "It'll be like a learning experience." Emma saw the look in his eyes. He was silently pleading her to be nice.

Emma forced a smile on her face. "Yeah, good to see you Natasha. But if you don't mind I'll leave you guys to your privacy, I can see you're uh-" she broke off, her eyes dropping to Jules' entwined hand.

At that, Jules blushed furiously and dropped his hand back to his side. Natasha looked bewildered again.

Dear God, was she always that confused? It wasn't as if she had been confused this morning when she had so confidently asked Jules out. Emma felt like punching her.

"Actually, this was the only room left to show her. I'll just go drop her back to the entrance so that she doesn't get lost," said Jules, still red.

Emma shrugged. "See you around Natasha," she said waving. She hoped she sounded at least a little sarcastic. And maybe she did, because Jules turned on his heels and dragged Natasha with him. Good riddance, thought Emma.

She was ready for Julian when he came back up the stairs and slammed the door back against him, his eyes closed, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Well she was interesting. What did you talk about? Puppies and rainbows?" said Emma, raising her eyebrow. Jules opened his eyes. "We talked about a lot of things. Shadowhunter things, mostly. But she likes art, Emma. Like, the kind of art I do. It's amazing," he said, looking down at the floor.

Emma felt cold all over. He liked her.

"But I mean, this is okay with you right? You don't mind her? I know she's a little….overwhelming, but she's really nice, honestly," said Jules his face lighting up with hope. "I bet you guys will get close."

At that, Emma snorted. "Yeah right," she muttered. "Whatever, Jules. Have fun with her on your next date. Just, you know, be prepared. We don't want any pregnant newbie Shadowhunters, if you know what I mean," she said, and started walking towards the door. Maybe that had gone a little too far.

"Whoa," said Jules, swiveling around and grabbing her hand. Emma sighed. "I thought you were okay with it. You were the one who told me to say yes," he said, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

Emma shook her head. It felt heavy. "I'm completely fine," she said, but her voice cracked on the last word, and Jules noticed.

"Em-" he started, but Emma had turned to face the door. Her throat felt as if it was closing up. But the words escaped.

"I love you, Jules."

It had come out. The truth.

"Yeah, I know, Em. I love you too. But you know that already," he said.

He hadn't understood. As she turned to face him, realization dawned on his face and he took a step back without noticing.

A single tear had made its way down Emma's cheek. "Em," he whispered. "You can't."

"You think I don't know that? I spend every single day of my life trying to forget it, trying to push it away. It's _wrong,_ Jules. But I can't help it," said Emma, her voice shaking.

Jules face now held something she could only put as horror. Emma felt her heart breaking into tiny little pieces. She turned to go, but again, his hand was on hers, stopping her.

"Jules, please," she began to say, but then he was in front of her, blocking her way.

"You love me," he said, an odd look in his eyes. Emma didn't know what to say. She looked down at her feet, but to her surprise Julian's fingers were under her chin, bringing her back up to where she was staring into his eyes. "Just say it," he whispered. "Say it and I'll know."

"I-I love you," she said. For a moment there was nothing. Silence. _Say something, _thought Emma. _Please._

And then his lips were on hers. Emma felt herself gasp against his mouth. Every nerve in her body was screaming at her to pull away, to let go, that this was wrong, wrong, so wrong.

But she couldn't. How could she when it felt so right? Emma's arms raised as if of their own accord and then she was pulling him closer, arms around his neck. His lips were soft, so soft. She was losing herself, slowly, and she didn't care. This was Jules.

And all of a sudden he was pulling away, and Emma staggered back, her hands falling to her sides. "This can't happen," said Jules, his voice ragged and uneven. "It's-it's not right. It's against the law." He was breathing heavily, looking away from her.

_Screw the law,_ Emma felt like saying. _Screw the Clave, screw Natasha, screw everyone. All I want is you. _

But she kept her mouth shut. And this time as she turned to leave, he didn't stop her.

She promised herself she wouldn't cry. But that night, as she lay in bed, the tears came anyway, and she sobbed till she just couldn't anymore. And when she finally fell asleep, she welcomed the darkness, and the dreams of a world where Julian could be hers.

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**Oooof, my feels. I hope this wasn't too unrealistic, but I mean, Blackstairs is now my OTP. So excited to see how their relationship plays out! **

**Thanks for reading, and oh, please please review, I really would love to know what you thought about this. Who knows, maybe I'll write some more in the future haha :)**


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